Mondays Suck…and you get them off !! Here is why….

Mondays Suck

…. Don’t Act Like They Don’t

 I had fully planned on posting my Fall Decor Extravaganza today, but Monday morning came and gave me a full on butt whooping. No really. I have been bitch slapped. So….now…I am here to rant about WHY Mondays seem to bring out the demons lying silent in my children. Child. It’s one in particular.

 Interjection → to lay flavor: Yesterday, as a family, we watched a movie called The Possession. (Hold onto your chastity belts there, PTO Pod People, it was rated PG-13 for scary crap only. My kids scare ME more than the movies do…so perhaps THEY need a rating too? ) Anyway, it was about a child who brought home a box from a garage sale and upon opening it, released a demon. The sweet, docile, innocent child named Emily suddenly became demonic. Growling. Eyeballs rolling into head. Creepy voice replacing her own. Got the idea? Good.

 Hello Monday. Welcome to MY Possession.

 When I last saw my child (the youngest), I was kissing her goodnight. She was sweetly professing her love for me, and I her. She was affectionate and cuddly. She was happy. Sigh. Something happened after I left that room.

 Monday came and stole her from me.

 I entered the room to wake her, and gently touched her back. “ Good morning baby”, I gently cooed.

A grunt. I continue my attempt to gently rub her back. She begins to roll over, and I am met with a different child.

She has been possessed by Monday.

 Her eyes are angry, and glaring at me. I am clearly the enemy. I suddenly feel like the priest about to try to lure the demon out of the body in yesterday’s movie. She isn’t going to go, easily.

 The next forty-five minutes are spent in tears.  Stomping. Wailing. Overly dramatic… her specialty. ( I have zero idea where she gets it from, either) She ‘has nothing to wear’ and ‘can’t wear those socks’  because ‘they feel funny’ ? They’re socks…not pin cushions? She doesn’t want breakfast and is refusing to tell me what she wants for lunch. Fine. Looks like you’re buying today. We finally get her into the car so that my professional chauffeur services can be fully utilized. It is THEN that she puts the cherry on top of my poop sundae. She informs me that I “ am lucky”. Why my child? Please remind me?

“You get to stay home and sleep if you want.”

Excuse me?

Really?

I can?

Why have I never thought of this? You mean, NOBODY has to clean the house you guys messed up over the weekend? Nobody has to run any errands (to sustain clothing, food, and shelter)? OMG! Why did nobody tell me that I had an assistant to help me run the crazy train? WHO KNEW!?

So…today…Monday…apparently, there are ZERO responsibilities to tend to! Did you know that fellow stay-at-home mommies and daddies? Yep…I heard it first hand!! We can sleep if we want!!!

No bills to pay, no laundry to do, no beds to strip, no dishes, no grocery shopping or household supply gathering. The 5 dogs need nothing! There is NO daily dusting, vacuuming, sanitizing! There will be no dinner to prepare, no emails for the many activities they are involved in to coordinate in to household calendar…OMG I am sounding a little manic! Perhaps the LUNACY of that statement doth set in?

So ladies, and fellow stay-at-home gents…I herby bequeath to you all….MONDAY IS YOUR DAY OFF.

The 9-year-old said so.

Goodnight. I am going back to bed.

Happy Manic Monday and sweet dreams sugar plums. I am off to La La Land.

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Comments

  1. Love the title of your blog. The challenge of blogging is keeping it up. Fortunately, I think our daily lives contain all the stories we need to keep our blogs going. Continued success with it & congratulations!

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